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24 September, 2005 - 3:20 p.m.
Dancin Queen

So we went to a club last night and actually got out of this shitty town for the first time in forever. Me and T and H2 and her friend and some guy she brought. A friend from way too long ago had won a party at the club and said we could get in free and have cheap drinks, so we got dressed up and went down there and it was a blast! 80s and 90s themed. The girl working the door-- someone from high school. And my favorite little gay man ever was there too, also from high school. He's so pretty, people used to think he was a girl. Also helps that he has a feminine gendered name. I was so happy to see him. One of the people I always worried about going out into the world wihtout someone to protect him, but he seemed so confident and in his element.

My friend from years ago... different. Awkward because I don't know what to say. She was with this much much older guy who could have been any of our dad's, but if she's happy, then I don't care. And another really good friend of mine was there who also happens to be an ex, but that was nearly five years ago and things were never hostile (though I was bitter for several years, jaded on men and all that). And it was good to see him. I don't get to see him often. I think the last time was about a year and a half ago, before L moved in when I was working at the mall at a job he'd helped me get. I told you he was a good guy. And it was wierd to be at a club, because he SO doesn't dance. And I do. And I'll dance continuously for hours and not get tired or want to stop as long as the music is good. And it was. But it was also wierd to be drinking and smoking with him, because I barely drank when we were together and I had definite IDEAS about smoking, but that was back when I knew everything and was uncertain about so much of myself. But it's always great to see him. He's the only ex I still keep in touch with, and I think that's probably because he's the only guy I ever dated who wasn't awful to me. He was sweet and gentle and tolerant and he helped me grow. And he thanked me for things I've done for him lately... and I feel like the small things I've been able to do for him are nothing compared with this giant chunk of time that we spent together and he did things for me daily. Like I've said, he's the one I compare everyone else to. And they come up far too short.

I totally danced to "the right stuff" by the new kids on the block. Yes. I did. And I still know all the words. And the dance from the video. Hah! That's the cool thing about that club. I remember all the videos and the dances in them that I used to do in my living room when no one else was home. I also remembered the dance to Salt 'n Pepa's "Push it". And some others... but there were so many good ones that I can't remember, though I vowed at the time to immediately put it on the internet when I got home. I was so tired that I took a quick shower (i was rank!!) and fell into bed nude, wet, and with my hair still wrapped in a towel. You don't even want to see what it looks like now. It's naturally curly, so you know, and it's cut about chin-length (which usually looks great)...

And I just rolled out of bed and I'm going to watch some television. Have a cigarette first, probably. It was so nice to leave this town. I really noticed a difference. No military guys. Except the one H2 brought with us, but he wasn't really military. He's canadian, so I don't think the socialization is the same.

23 September, 2005 - 10:41 a.m.
the big 360, part three

(111) Thought you're going crazy? Every day.
(112) Kissed the same sex? Yeah. Why not?
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex? Other than making out and groping? No. I�m still not ruling it out.
(114) Been betrayed? Yeah. Story of my life� hey� movie title?
(115) Had a dream that came true? Yes. The night before my grandmother died, I dreamed that my mom and I were at the nursing home and we both wore purple and my grandmother died. I woke up, went to put a deposit down on my current apartment, forgot the dream, got a call from my aunt that I needed to come home NOW. I went home and showered, put on clothes other than pajamas (because I wanted to get to the rental office super early for the deposit, so I just went in my pajamas), and arrived at the hospital to meet my mother. Both of us were wearing purple. I remembered the dream and ran to my grandmother�s room. I stayed for ten hours by her side and then she died holding our hands. Not quite the dreams I wish would come true.

(116) Broken the law? Absolutely. Public intoxication. Drinking and driving. Speeding. Sex in a public place. Indecent exposure.
(117) Met a famous person? Friends of mine know Gunnar Nelson and we had dinner with him when he came to watch one of their shows. I�ve also met the Irish band The Chieftans and the reigning World Irish Dance champion at that time. I met Scott Gomez, too, and that got me all kinds of hot. Mmm hockey.
(120) Have you ever killed an animal by accident? I hit a bird once when I was driving. It flew into the grill of the car.

(121) On purpose?: No.
(122) Had sex? Didn�t you ask this a bunch of times already?
(123) With more than 1 person? Yep.
(124) Threesome? Yep.
(125) Orgy? Sort of.

(126) Whipped cream?: Yep.
(127) Bondage?: Yep.
(128) Whipped/gotten whipped? Yep.
(129) Blindfolded? Yep.
(130) Tied someone up/been tied up? Yep.

(131) Ridden a roller coaster? Not while having sex. Whee! Roller coasters!
(132) Ridden an upsidedown roller coaster? Yep.
(133) Made out in a movie theatre? Not in a long, long time.
(135) Gone camping? Yeah. Or as I like to call it, �torture�. (134 is gone, too!)

(136) Cheated on a test? No.
(137) Had a cavity? Yep.
(138) Snorted something? I snort when I laugh occasionally.
(139) Eaten a flower? Yep. Honeysuckle. And a dandelion on a dare.
(140) Eaten play dough? Probably.

(141) Eaten a crayon? More than likely.
(142) Driven someone else's car? Yes.
(143) Played video games for 24 hour straight?
No. Does the internet count? It wasn�t gaming, though.
(144) Lied? Yes. But I seriously try not to do that.
(145) Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? Probably in junior high.

(146) Stolen anything? Only the hearts of millions of men.
(147) Been on radio/tv? Yes. I�ve been on talk shows on St. Patrick�s day before. The morning shows would feature the dance troupe I was with.
(148) Been in a mosh-pit? Fuck yeah.
(149) Had a nervous breakdown? Yes.
(150) Considered religious vocation? I wanted to be a nun for a long time as a child.

(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance? I don�t think so.
(152) Bungee jumped? I don�t really like heights.
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back? I have a recurring dream that I�m doing whatever and I feel like my tooth is loose, so I probe it with my finger to check and it falls out and I�m freaking out and more start coming out and I totally freak the fuck out.

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