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22 November, 2005 - 11:18 a.m.
AMN: part one of the review

Er. I wrote my boyfriend a book review last night when I couldn't sleep. The book is so engaging that I thought I'd post most of my message to him HERE and you can read the book reviews along with me. I'd also like to say that I got a kickass response from him and it looks like the "i'm reading a book, let's discuss it" phase is on. I LOVE THAT.

ok. i can't sleep. it's past one in the morning and i finally gave up and got online, but before i got out of bed, i'd read almost 60 pages of my new book ('running from safety' will have to wait. i've read it before and this one is far too engaging). so i got out a notebook and started writing about it. because i couldn't read any more of it without reacting to it. and for ten years, i've been reacting to things by putting them online in a journal or a blog or a diary (or however you want to say it) or in emails to friends. i wrote this book review as a letter to you, because it seemed obvious for me to do so.

first of all, a quote of a quote in the book that made me giggle, "new love can look for all the world like a mental illness, a blend of mania, demetia, and obsessin that cuts people off from friends and family and prompts out-of-character behavior-- compulsive phone calling, seranades, yelling from rooftops-- that could almost be mistaken for psychosis." (benedict carey) oh that cracks me up.

and a bit of a dorothy parker poem she put in there that made me smile and think (as most good poetry should). i sort of think this poem foretells what i discover in the first 60 pages: by the time you're his,/ shivering and sighing,/ and he vows his passion is/ infinite, undying--/ lady, make a note of this:/ one of you is lying.

"Are men necessary?" begs to be discussed. I almost wish we were reading it concurrently so that I could have another perspective on it. Almost 60 pages into it and I have a ton of arguments raging in my head.

But first. The Rules. They're talking about The Rules of Dating (Swingers anyone?) about how long you should wait before calling, how long you should allow yourself to speak to an admirer, pretending to be busy so you'll be wanted more, who should pay for a date. And it's said that we as a society have gone from men paying to women insisting they go dutch to men paying (after women falsely reach for their purses). We've gone from vapid flirting to sarcasm to relearning how to flirt in order to hook a man. I don't understand The Rules. No one ever told them to me. I always figured that if I liked someone, I should try to be in contact with them. And I figured that if I have money, I can pay (for me if not the both of us). There was never any of that bullshit.

I never messed around with false flirting and false kisses in the hopes of landing myself a man that I could one day love. I've never kissed anyone without meaning it. When the mind lacks the ability to express emotion, sometimes the body says it best. I have that wonderful non-christian anti-family-values sexually liberated point of view that says to me I can do what I want with my body (as long as it's responsible)... but it's paired with the sentiment that sharing my kisses or other physical kinds of passion is a sort of gift (to myself and to the other). The kind of gift that says what my heart feels without the inconvenience of words. And that's not the kind you can give insincerely. But you knew that. You restated what I've been told many times. I'm real. I am too in touch with my emotions to build up a barrier of falsehood. And I hope that every kiss I give you is as sincere as the first (and as sincere as all of the ones we've shared so far). And they all come from that place deep down in my body that thumbs its nose at vocabulary.

There's never been an ounce of artifice in my pursuit of you. I read this book. I read the first 60 pags anyway. And I am so confused and dismayed at what men are going through. Women, why? What are they doing and why are they doing this? How can we have successful relationships if we start out by building walls of lies around ourselves? Is it because we don't believe people will be attracted if we just act like ourselves? I don't get it. I wonder about all the chick stuff I missed while I was off being a tomboy. When did they take us aside and give us these lessons in false representation?

I was really interested in reading this book because of the stink they made about it over at feministing dot com. Mostly, I see where their dismay comes from. Ms. Dowd seems to have completely ignored women like me. She seems (again, only 60 pages in) to have only found men who have been royally fucked over by women and women who are desparate for a wedding band and the elusive degree, MRS. (i'll take my MS any day.) Where are women like me and the rest of my "down ass bitches"? Where are the cool, funny, level-headed, career-minded chicks who aren't fucking around with building up lies for a variety of reasons (ex: too tired, don't care, want a lasting relationship based on trust)? Where are my people?

The book is very well written and is backed up with quotes and synopses from all kinds of media. But I'm not buying her assertion that women are reverting back to 1950s glossy girl with no frontal cortex and can't make decisions. The worst part is that it's written as if she was a feminist, but her argument (if you really think about what she's saying) is totally demeaning and indicates that she's just another one of THEM. Is that what feminists do? Write stuff that basically indicates that women are scum? Oh how frustrating! I am just irritated by it.

I love reading a well-planned, intelligent, articulate book, even when I disagree with the author. As much as I want to have the woman known as "MoDo" (Maureen Dowd), I can't help but respect the work she's put into this book and the passion with which she writes. She puts up a great argument. Women suck. I just don't agree with her. I'd restate it as (Some) Women suck. But what about the damage that her argument and her catchy title will have on women after the weak-minded read her book? What then? Oh sweet consequence.

i still have 300-something pages left. Lucky you. Hey, maybe I can go to sleep now. At some point in time, I stopped being who I used to be in real life and started being the same person I am on the internet. And I think that's when my life became a lot less complicated. (For ME) there's no screen of modesty, no censoring what I think from the prying eyes of people, no changing what I believe because i'm afraid of what people think. and i think that if everyone examined themselves (not necessarily picked themselves apart the way i did) and their beliefs, they'd stop hiding behind those walls. And then we could start to Live again and to have decent relationships with one another. And be happy and all that. But we don't we (as a species) hide behind our images and our little distractions and do everything we can to not look inside. Sometimes, and i know it's this way for me, sometimes the inside is all you have to hold on to. Without the inside, the world goes unfocused. "things fall apart; the centre cannot hold." (yeats, of course) Or a better metaphor... chocolate is better when there's nougat in the middle. sweet creamy nougat. that's what's at my center. the good stuff. or so i'd like to think.

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