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30 May, 2006 - 9:47 p.m.
playing catch-up, part 1

sorry. again, i've been writing... here you go.

"What can we do to be less afraid of suffering?
- This is a difficult question. I think one way of overcoming your fear of suffering is to spend time with people who are going through a crisis and help them. Gradually you will become less afraid of it yourself."

"It is basic knowledge that in our unconscious, death is never pissible in regard to ourselves. It is inconceivable for our unconscious to imagine an actual ending of our life here on earth."

-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, from Questions about On Death and Dying

I was a bit upset when I got up this morning. I barely slept. I can't imagine if this was my family. I got to my office, recomposed myself after typing an email asking for time off if necessary to attend the funeral... my boss said ok. but the funeral is saturday at 2, so it's not necessary. I grabbed a couple of books off my shelf in my office, stuff I started reading after my grandmother died. I came across those two passages and felt much better.

I know I can do nothing to make this less painful and I know I can do nothing to help my friend right now. So I took my energy and put it into helping others today. I was afraid I would have thoughts like "this is nothing compared to [my friend's] burden, but I didn't. I just sat and focused on each person I saw today and tried to help them the best I could. This situation is not about me, and I feel so helpess in regards to what I can do. But I can help others right now, so that's what I plan to do.

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