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09 October, 2005 - 7:51 p.m.
Saga of the Inferiority Complex

I wrote someone off for the first time in a very long time. I tend to believe that everyone has the ability to change for the better and that people are inherently good, so to get myself to the point where I believe that someone is beyond redemption takes a lot. Here's the backstory.

I met a guy sometime this summer. A friend of a friend of a friend or something. A rangers fan, but we had a great time talking hockey. We'd discussed some fabulous new addition to the predators by the time this OTHER guy, a friend of a friend of a friend, came over and started babbling at us. He found out we were hockey fans and he mentioned the new addition to the predators and we were like "yeah, we already talked about that earlier" because it wasn't like it was breaking news at that point. Anyway. Guy #2, let's call him J, is irritating and misinformed about a number of things and we're trying to get past the "who are you? what do you do?" point of the getting-to-know-you conversation. Rangers fan and i are both from the north. J is from somewhere in florida. And he's very irritating. Did I mention that already? anyway, he gets his panties in a twist about something or the other and accuses us of thinking that he's stupid just because he's black. we're like "wtf?" He accuses us of thinking that he's poor and uneducated simply because of his skin color. No. He's uneducated because he reads headlines, not articles. Gotta get to the fine-print before you understand what's going on. SO, at some point, rangers fan gets fed up with the accusatory self-rightious bullshit and states that he no longer wishes to talk to J any more. I'm fine with that because he really gets under my skin. Half the time it's some indignant crap and the other half, he's trying to get into my pants.

I've seen J three or four times since then. each time, he's broughtup that time when i was sitting with that guy and thought J was stupid. For FOUR MONTHS, he's been dragging that around with him. Let it go, dude. Anyway, he starts this drama the last time we saw him. We'd all gone to the bar and then to a diner afterwards. He'd pissed off a number of the group by then and we really didn't want him to follow us to the diner. He showed up anyway. These guys come in and sit down. I noticed because they were hot. I was checking them out and they were looking at menus. J gets all upset because he thinks that they LOOKED AT HIM. Starts raving about how those white motherfuckers were gonna get their ass beat and how it was ok for him to be sitting with a bunch of white chicks. They're sitting there looking at menus. I went up to pay the bill and stopped at their table... I apologized for J, told them that he was drunk and trying to start stuff with people, so if they could please just ignore him, I'd really appreciate it. They were like "what guy?" They honestly didn't know which guy thought they were looking at him.

We leave and I just leave him there (he drove himself) because I'm pissed because he always brings drama with him and who needs that? And I drove H2 home. We were talking about J's huge inferiority complex and how he tries to overcompensate for it and how everything is because he's "black". Dude. It's totally not a racial thing. He's just an ass and gets all indignant and self-rightious and accusatory all the damn time. Fucking irritates the hell out of me, so I don't want to be around him. I don't like people who take me out of my inner place of peace. I've worked too hard to keep my soul uncluttered and untroubled. I don't need someone blowing my sense of calm out of the water.

At the bar last night... he comes in. I greet him, all friendly. You know, let bygones be bygones. He glares at me. Comes up and is all hostile, saying that H2's friend K is HIS friend and he knows none of us wanted him there, but K invited him blah blah blah. Dude. I am so not competing for K's friendship. I try to bring up the reason why we didn't want him there, which is because he was starting arguments with people. He denies it. He states that he also KNOWS those guys were looking at him. And he brings up that incident **four** months ago when he thought me and rangers fan thought he was stupid. it happened that rangers fan was there and sitting with me at the time that he came in. So he gets all bent out of shape and starts arguing and being very demeaning. I got so upset with him that i raised my voice. I never raise my voice. Not even when L and I broke up. He's saying stuff like "oh so now you know all about me" and then in the next breath he's saying stuff like "i know you thought.." Like, I can't make a statement about actual behavior, but he can predict what my thoughts were four months ago.

I was so angry with him that I was really trying not to shake. I could have asked my people at the bar to ask him to leave, but I wanted to see if maybe he'd settle down and be civil. I wasn't about to back down and leave just because he pissed me off and made me uncomfortable. I looked at him, waved my hand in a straight line in front of his face, and said "you no longer exist." He kept talking, but I did my best counselor-game-face and refused to recognize his existence. A few minutes later, I heard him on the phone calling his friend K to verify that he was indeed invited that time. Jesus, man. Get over yourself. Quit bringing your drama and disrupting my zen.

I could see no peaceful resolution to the situation and he's way too hardheaded to listen to reason or to recognize that there are two sides to every story. And that his perspective isn't necessarily correct. And that he can't predict what I was thinking. He can't tell me that I was thinking something that I wasn't. And he can't tell me that I am a racist, because I'm not a fucking racist, goddammit. And he can't tell me that something that FOUR other people also agree happened did not happen. And I want to feel bad about writing him off, but I just don't have that kind of energy. He disrupted my zen.

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