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04 November, 2005 - 11:16 p.m.
where the hell have I been?

ugh. i've been gone for a while, mostly because i've been distracted by things and have been writing elsewhere among a group of people that i know in real life. that's no excuse, and i apologize. i was doing dual entries, but that seemed so lazy. anyway.

i saw Nine Inch Nails (on Halloween!!) after a ten year wait. The show left me in a state of sexual tension, where I have remained since then. Men beware. The show was awesome. As someone who has been to over a hundred concerts, i just want to let you know... NIN ranks top. Number one best concert. Ever.

I discovered on Monday that my thesis is technically due next Wednesday. At that time, that gave me ten days to finish surveying my participants and write the paper. I spent 30 clocked hours working on it this week, and only got 20 hours of sleep. It should be understood that I am suffering from exhaustion and should not be held responsible for my actions from this point on. I have the statistics analyzed and am amused by the results, which I'll get to here in a minute. The discovery of the impending due date caused me to have my first panic attack since I kicked L out. It was aweful and I still had to go to internship that day. By the way, I only have 31 hours left. tick tock tick tock. The clock is winding down.

The results of my study indicate that men think with their genitals. Even when men learn that a woman is a horrible person and has done really nasty things and has no character... they want nothing to do with her socially (and don't want to be associated with her in any fashion) and they don't believe that they're similar to her at all. And yet, she is still rated as attractive. Which indicates that they have a better ability than women to separate what a woman LOOKS like and what a woman IS like. In my previous study of women rating men, I found that women do not differentiate what a man IS like and what he LOOKS like. We tend to lump it all together and rate a bad person as ugly. SO men... they think with their dicks and I have scientific proof. They'd bring her home for a night, but they wouldn't bring her home to mom, so to speak.

I got a distressing letter from L asking for another chance and was forced to send him one back saying NO. It's not just that I'm dating other people (one of whom I really really like, but I'll get to that), it's that it took him so long to realize my complete and total awesomeness and that I gave him way too many chances back in the day. He's used up his second and third and fourth, etc. And I hate re-dating people, as they then get lazy after the initial "oh you're great" and go back to the behaviors that drove me from them in the first place. I thought I did very well in terms of not sounding mean or being nasty to him about it, because he's a good guy and doesn't deserve that. I do feel that he deserved such honesty from me so that he would not get his hopes up about the situation. Which also took place after I told him i was seeing other people.

I met a really awesome guy and I have such a big crush on him that I blush and stare at my feet. For real, people. The situation is adorable. He's funny and nice and smart and considerate and is a big ol' dork like me. We went to a hockey game and to a porn store and to see Rocky Horror Picture Show (best date ever!) and he's come over to watch a movie (the new Star Wars) and has met my friends and I out for drinks, and they all have expressed very positive things about him. I'm at that point where I need my girls to help me out in the dating department. Any guy who can't stand up to the judging judging eyes of my girls is going to have to go. Which means that I've stopped seeing that guy I should have ditched long ago. I think that's a positive thing, to get rid of my rebound guy.

So, I'm facing complete exhaustion, but it will all be over in a matter of weeks as I progress through the stages of meeting with my committee and submitting my draft to the graduate office, but after then (and after my 31 hours of internship) everything will be golden. I can go pick up my cap and gown next week.

Tomorrow would have been my gram's 81st birthday, but she only made it to 80. I am going home tomorrow to be with my mom, as I'm already bummed about it and I know she will be too (if she isn't already). Also, I have to go to my old university's library to make copies of a chapter from a book I used in my paper.

Take care of yourselves.

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