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03 April, 2006 - 9:02 p.m.
update six

i got a frickin paycheck! that's nearly $600 in my bank account today, and it's only HALF a paycheck. woooo! i've been feeling a lot calmer since i started working. a lot of my anxiety symptoms are going away now that, after seven years of making less than $10,000 a year and living on my own, i finally will make enough money to pay my bills and pay off my debt and take care of my car and buy clothes and finally take a fucking vacation. wooooooooo.

it feels pretty good. i'm relieved. my mom can stop holding financial assistance over my head. i can stop feeling like a worthless begger every time i talk to my family. i can stop worrying where my next week of groceries will come from, and whether or not i can feed my cats. shit. now i can take the cats to the vet for their checkups.

i can afford to go out to nice places every so often now. i can buy more than one beer at $2.50. i can order an appetizer when i go out for dinner. hee.

it's just nice to know i have rent covered for next month. it's nice to have that constant tension that's been pulling me off center finally gone. i'm tired of that tension. nothing rocks my boat more than money. i'm tired of being poor. tired tired tired. i'll still be poor... but my stuff will be covered. and then some.

huzzah!

oh and ps, i still love my job.

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