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21 May, 2006 - 10:26 p.m.
before i get too far

i should explain that i'm not bipolar and i don't have multiple personalities, but that there are two of me, sort of. confused yet?

there are some days when i feel great, like i can take over the world, like i'm capable, attractive, and on my game. balls out.

there are other days when i feel like nobody would want to touch me or be with me or be attracted to me and where i question everything that i do.

and it's difficult to feel awesome and to have something trigger a switch to feeling terrible. it's an awful transition. sometimes it's as simple as being reminded of the past or of people who haven't been so kind to me or being faced with the thought of losing people i care about now.

i do work hard to try to stay on the path of wellness and wholeness. i do work hard to try to not burden others with my feelings, which is why i warned all of you several entries ago. i try to remain positive and hopeful about the future. i do feel compelled to be clear about not feeling bad about myself all the time. just lately, it seems to be a lot. and i'm trying to get to the bottom of this.

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